How to Say NO with Candour

Stop saying “yes” when you want to say “no” without feeling guilty about it.

Candour

noun[ U ]

UK (US candor)UK /ˈkæn.dər/ US /ˈkæn.dɚ/

the quality of being honest and telling the truth, especially about a difficult or embarrassingsubject:

“We really don’t know what to do about it,” she said with surprising candour.

**Ref: **https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/candour

Important Key Points

Are you afraid to say “no” because you feel bad turning someone down, or because you don’t know how to say it without coming off as selfish, rude, and uncaring? Most people are. When we do say “no,” we typically attach an excuse to it, allowing the other person to change the original question and ask again. So why do we continue to say “yes” when we actually want to say “no?” Perhaps because candour and directness have been largely disappearing from the workplace. The key points below will help you rediscover it and feel better about yourself when the situation comes up.

Don’t Be Afraid to Say NO

Remember that you always have the right to turn down any request and express what you want, and it doesn’t matter who is asking. In your professional life, there will always be people who will try to occupy your free time if you let them. While helping your coworkers is a good thing, doing so at your own expense won’t get you anywhere, and it can even hinder your professional growth.

The same principle applies to your personal life. Friends and relatives can sometimes take your time for granted and feel like they’re entitled by default. Saying “no” to some of their requests can set boundaries and help you and them to build a healthy relationship.

Saying “no” the right way can go a long way. As an example, I was offered a position by a company in the online education industry a couple of months ago. After our first conversation, all seemed fine and great. But something about the challenges and what I was supposed to do on my day to day didn’t feel right. It was definitely a position that was going to take me a step back in my career. Nothing wrong with that, though; but at that time I felt the right thing to do was to say no. Why? Because It was just not right. After sending the message, they replied to me in a really nice way offering me a level above. This is a perfect example of a situation where saying “no” and being confident about what you want goes a long way for you and for the company.

Saying NO Is Completely Fine and Acceptable

When you were young, you were told to listen and obey. When somebody asked you to do something, you were expected to do it without giving it much thought. As an adult, you must learn that saying “no” is completely fine and acceptable. In fact, the ability to say “no” strongly correlates with healthy self-esteem and the so-called leadership personality, which is defined by polite strength, firmness of mind, and boldness of resolution.

Saying NO Shows That You Can Take Risks and Deal with Failure

If you want to achieve great things, you must take risks from time to time, knowing well that each and every risk you take won’t produce the desired result. When you say “no” with candour, you always risk that the other person will take the rejection personally and make life difficult for you. Such a risk is worth taking because the only alternative is to become a follower who always does as other people say. It will also help you to build self-trust and the ability to follow your instinct. Saying “no” the smart way, helps you believe in yourself, trust your gut and build resilience.

Saying NO Builds Resilience

In the eat-or-be-eaten world of business, you need a great deal of resilience to survive and thrive. It’s impossible to build any kind of resilience while still depending on other people’s approval and saying “yes” to everything just to make them happy. Those who do so, basically say “Your opinion of me is more valuable than my own goals and needs.” Every time you say “no” when you’re tempted to say “yes” out of politeness, your resilience increases. Building this resilience and finding that point in your life where you can “take it”, helps you get momentum and move forward with the next endeavour. Let’s put it this way: people will always have opinions. Good or bad, you will need to use that resilience and move on.

Conclusion

By learning how to say “no” with candour, your opportunities in life will multiple because you stop feeling that “yes” is the only option. As I’ve learned first-hand, being honest and open to what you want and communicate that with candour can lead you to better positions at work, connect with people in a more authentic way and even help your relationships with friends and relatives.

Go on and say NO. But with candour. Be nice :)